Madeleine

2018-01-13
10:21:12

Varkala
 
We're in Varkala at the moment combining a little work with hang out at the beach side! Varkala is sooo beautiful🙂
Yesterday we took our first ocean dip for the year!!
And we also got the chance to go on a small boat trip with a local fisherman who so kindly took us on his tiny, tiny fishing boat. We got out on the water 6am and paddled along the Varkala coast watching the sun rise..amazing🙂 Maan I'm blessed to have such an amazing man in my life who takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me see life from all kind of perspectives! I love you so much❤ 
 
 
 
 

2017-12-25
07:19:00

A moment of truth in Jaipur
 
We're in Jaipur, Rajasthan, taking a Rickshaw back to the hotel after a meeting with a retailer specializing in bedsheets and pillow covers. The traffic lights turn red and suddenly a young girl comes up next to the Rickshaw and wants to sell balloons. She's wearing a traditional Rajasthani dress. Colourful. "She's married", Sudarshan says and is hinting at her red stripe on her forehead. So young. But I'm not surprised. Rajasthan has one of the highest number of childmarriages in India. Culturally broadly accepted, even if it's nation wide a crime to get married before the age of 18 if you are a girl and 21 if you are a boy based on the Prohibition of child marriage Act since 2006. And only This year India decided to criminalise sex with a child bride.
So up until now it's been ilegal to marry a child but legal to have sex with a child bride...does that make any sense to anyone?! 
 
The red light is still on and we turn our heads to the other side of the Rickshaw where a little boy is standing and holding an even smaller boy in his arms. Like a mother carrying her child on her hip.
The boys are barefoot, wearing dirty clothes and looks significantly malnourished. Dust on their both cheeks. Imagin the amount of airpollution they breath into their fragile, not yet fully developed, lungs while walking the hectic roads of Jaipur.
And at the time we look at them they, at the same time, turn both their heads with their big eyes towards us.

Red light turns green and we're on the go. A  normal day to day view of Indian society. 
Do one turn numb after seeing one too many of these situations? Maybe it's a form of defence mechanism?!
 
A week before PM Narendra Modi visited Gujarat in order to become the first passenger on India's first seaplane. 
 
There is absolutely no logic in this world.
 
 

2017-12-24
17:56:00

Merry Christmas ☺
 
 So Christmas is here and it is around this time of year I usually miss my family the most..!! I gave grandmother, grandfather and my brother a call and wished them, and later I'll Skype with mom and dad!
We got a parcel from Sweden that we opened yesterday😄 Full of "skumtomtar", mom's special saffron biscuits and a few presents! I also got an oh so beautiful surprise gift from my bf which made me cry a little (man, I'm so sensitive) and we also met up our dear neighbours in the evening and shared a few drinks and alot of good thoughts and laughthers🙂
 
I'm also alone this Christmas eve which I initially didn't think would make me feel as lonely as I feel at the moment. And I actually didn't think I would mind being alone since my bf had to go out of town for understandable reasons. But sitting here and listen to Christmas music and trying to make my own rice porridge (by recommendation from my grandmother🙂) I'm reflecting upon a couple of things this evening! Watching people's cheerful photos on Fb and Instagram does not make me feel much cheerful though...sorry for that everyone, but at the moment that's the truth..
 
So here's the thing. I don't consider myself as a Christian. But since I grew up in a "Christian society" I love the whole tradition around December time when it comes to baking, decorating, Lucia celebration and creating that "Christmas feeling" with friends and family. But as time goes by friends and family starts creating their own traditions. And after all my years in India it hit me that I lost some of those traditions that I used to follow - midsummer celebration, "kräftskiva", Lucia celebration and of course everything that comes with Christmas.
And then another thing hit me! Even if I lost some traditions I have also gained some; Holi, Onam and Diwali, to mention a few🙂 And so, in the end it is my own responsibility to choose what I want to celebrate in life and how. And how to hold these traditions alive! And I have to start doing that. I can't let time pass by thinking that it doesn't mean anything to me. Cause it does! Otherwise every day would be the same if we didn't keep traditions alive and celebrated life as we know it!

And a new year is about to start, and I still feel my life is getting better and better for each year. And I wish the same to all of you out there!
 
 
Merry Christmas every one🙂
 

2017-12-20
15:47:19

India please, grow up!
 
 Kerala - God's own country and the state holding the highest number of educated inhabitants. Pardon me for now sounding a little harsh towards Keralites. But to me, having such an educated population seemingly does not have to meen being a developed state. One may think that so is the case. But after watching today's morning news about a boy not getting his right to write his final exams for 10th grade because he was hugging a girl for "one too many Mississippi's" Kerala keep reminding me about the unbelivable conservative society which is holding back Kerala, and the rest of the country, from progressing as a nation.
India is a country with so much potential! Still there are so many other problems to highlight than to waste time on a boy that apparently was violating the school rule by being "to intimate" with a girl by giving her a hug. On top of that his private instagram account suddenly got hacked or something and his pictures was shown to school authorities who though his photos was way too unimpropriate. So now because of this hug the boy have sufferend two things - he'll miss his final exam which means he will miss out another year in school and he gott his privacy inskränkt. 
The girl involved in the matter had nothing against the hug. But because of the risk of not getting any marriage proposal after this incident she does not want to step forward and face the risk of being humiliated. And so, If she is found hanging out with a boy, or even hug one, "indian society" may think she's not a virgin and she's looked upon as a very "naughty girl". And not many families in India want their son to marry a "naughty girl". Despite how good she's in the kitchen. 
 
WHY DO PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY PUT SO MUCH IMPORTANCE IF A WOMAN IS A VIRGIN OR NOT BEFORE MARRIAGE, BUT NOT AS MUCH IMPORTANCE WHEN IT COMES TO MEN???
 
Empower women AND men. Don't lock them up or get them married away to a stranger just because "the stars" are telling you it's a good match. Make them realize on their own what is the right way and not the right way to treat each other. And for that to happen boys and girls need to interact. It does not happen with divided seats in the classroom or rules of not hugging each other.
India please, grow up!!
 

2017-12-18
13:49:00

Queens of Parvati Valley
 
We're sitting around the tandori heater. I'm shivering like crazy. My but is cold and my feet are warm.
But she is not freezing. One of many power women from the beautiful valley of Parvati. She is used to the cold that suddenly hits you when the sun disappears behin the mountain tops. She knows how to keep herself warm. Or maybe her body have adjusted to the harsh climate since childhood. But it's more than her ability to adjust to the harsh climate that makes her a power woman. Since childhood she has never left the valley. She grew up with her parents and sisters in a house warmed up with the help of firewood which they had to collect around the area on a daily basis. She went to school but not to college. And seeing a girl hanging out with a boy with out consequences was not an option at all. And so there was just one option for her in life. To get married.
And so she found a man. But since her family was not agreeing to her choice of husband they did not allow him to enter her family house. Initially they stayed in a simplr room while he worked at a tourist camp and brought her food in the evenings when he came home. But since 6 month back they live in a tent outside a restaurant building that we have helped them to construct. And during this season they got an income by renting out tents and maintaining a restaurant!
The plan is to build concrete houses by next year. And the first house will be for them and their future family since they are also expecting a baby in may!!
I just pray that they will be able to manage the winter and stay healthy in that harch climate..!!
Himachel and Parvati is a wonder valley for tourists to spend time in cosy hotels or for those who prefer an adventure in a blissful trekking!
But for locals it means daily work in order to keep warmth and to earn money for the day to bring food for their family.
 
 
 And there we sat arounaround the heater on their kitchen floor. And suddenly she starts telling me how lucky she thinks I am, based on all my privilege I'm being born with. And at the same time I'm being filled with guilt feelings of hearing what I'm hearing and of being the person I am. Something she can't put a blame on. Something I can't put a blame on. It's just the way it is.
What do one respond to that...?
 
I believe we all have a capacity of doing the best of the tools we have been given in life. And despite the distance and difference between us I've found a friend🙂 We are so different, but our basic needs in life, both as a woman and a  human being, are the same! So we have so many things in common of course!
She even asked me to be present at the time of birth..!! No need to go to the hospital she thought. Her grandmother have help many woman during their birth period. So all she though of what that her grandmother and me could be there. I panicked in my thoughts and told her nicely that when that day comes please go to the nearest hospital, and if I'm able to I'd be there with her I would love to..<3 If you only knew how much I admire you oh young woman and my dear friend🙂
 
 
 
 
 
Love<3
 
 
 
 
 

2017-12-10
18:04:00

Convocation time!!
 
And finally D-day was hear!!
After four years of intensive studies and clinical practice PLUS one extra year of waiting before writing my last exam...The toughest thing I've ever gone through and at the same time the best thing I've ever done in my life!! And I couldn't have done it without support and patience from my parents and my love who faced my daily dose of frustration and irritation  of all college stress. And of course supported me during the whole time.
I'll be writing about "truths & myths" about Manipal and its University soon. Since I've had quite an experience here. Both good and bad one.
Now, we're planning the rest of the year. I will probably not work as a nurse in India, but there are some ideas in my head which I'm working on a little bit in silence. So we'll see how it all turns out😉

We've put our hopes and believes into our ideas! But so far I feel we're on the right track in life🙂
 
 
 
And thank you all for the wonderful wishes🙂
 
 
 
 

2017-11-15
15:35:00

"Shaadi Main Zaroon Aana"
 
We watched the movie "Shaadi Main Zaroon Aana" today ("Please come for my marriage"); a new released Bollywood movie that brings up a lot of typical problems going on in Indian society, still. Problems such as problem arising with the dowry system (fucked up), women trying to break free from the rock hard hand of a man, a fathers strong leadership in the family, arranged marriages and forbidden love marriages, not letting women follow their dreams and doing what makes them happy etc.
 
I just love Bollywood movies yaar. The drama, the music, the dancing, the sudden twist in the story line. And of course, a good way to learn Hindi!  
I don't have much exposure of watching Bollywood movies though. But I do understand that there is a lot of changes taking place in the movie industry. I guess it was not long time ago one would never see a couple kiss in a movie scene or seeing a person totally naked. Big NO! But slowly one can notice a kiss once and a while. What's interesting when it comes to Bollywood is the gigantic impact it has on the Indian population. Movies also, as in music, should function as a reflection of what is happening in society. And watching a movie about eg. about a woman who has to choose between love or family of course affects the people watching the movie and hopefully starts reflecting upon their own believes and actions in life, hopefully.
 
 
 
 
 
 

2017-11-15
11:47:33

Pushkar
 
So the start in India was soo romantic at a stay at sun & sand near the beach in Mumbai. But som how I did feel alittle dizzy and not at all 100%, so maybe I got a small shock being back in India..;)
And after a night out we travelled back to Manipal, assessed our apartment, see our sweetheart Valium and packed our bags to take a night bus to Bangalore and then night flight to Pushkar, Rajasthan.
 
So at this time of the year there is a Camel fair going on where dealers buy and sell camels and horses as well as all kind of accessories for animals, Rajasthani sweets, food, karuseller etc -  a beautiful happening to be around!
 

 
So we roamed around the camel fair area looking at different camels (so beautiful they are, such a pride in their pose standing there chewing) and talking to sellers, learning about how to see difference between a good and strong camel compare to an old one. And in between seeing snake whisperers sitting on the street playing flute and taiming their cobras...
 
 
We also spent two nights at a "camel safari resort" out in the "desert" promising authentic Rajasthani food and dance performances in nice conkret room. But we ended up having breakfast and dinner with the family living there only and got to know their living and life stories. Something one can't put a price tag on. Seriously.
 
 
A short and intense stay in Pushkar. But we'll be back in Rajasthan for sure soon. There must be so much more to explore☺
 
 
 

2017-11-03
15:33:00

Back In India🙂
 
So I'm back in India after almost 4 months back home in Sweden meeting friends, family and to earn some money. Also, this time my love and I went together to see how we would feel being there together in a total different country under different circumstances. Living in India is one thing; living in Sweden is another.  And our stay in Sweden did bring us alot of future hopes! We managed our daily living, we've come up with possible future income both in India and Sweden. And second step is, of course, to plan and bring things into action.
And since he left Sweden before me I couldn't describe the feeling of meeting again at Mumbai airport after 6 weeks apart..
 
After my time spent in Sweden I came to following conclusions...
1) I will never go back to the same work I've been doing since finishing gymnasium - one needs to make progress in life. And only I am responsibly to make that progress happening.
2) Don't listen too much on people's advices. They don't live your life, so how could they possibly know whats good for you?
3) At the same time listen to people, cause there might be at least one knowledge you can bring to use. And the person you least expect might be holding the most valuable knowledge in order for you to progress in life.
4) Just because you were born in one country doesn't mean that that social structure suits you.
5) I'm never ever gonna accept love being apart for so long again. That kind of lovelove just hurts to the very bone marrow the more time passes by.
6) True Friendship never die. It will change patterns, but it never die.
7) Trust your instinct/gut feeling/heartbeats.
 
 
 

2017-05-22
08:31:00

Clinicals tomorrow
 
I never, ever thought, not even in my wildest imagination, that I would have to wear this again, my clinical dress.
Beautiful na?
If you only knew the amount of torture I've gone through wearing that.
But no, to be fair, there's been more good times than bad times while wearing it. Amazing meeting with patients, interesting discussions and learning moments, kids have been born and held preciously. Mentally challenged children have huged it and pulled in it. Blood have been splashed on it. Inc have leaked on it. It has become soaking wet during a typical Indian rain season and during a typical humid weather when a fan have not been enough to keep you from sweating like a pig.
I do wear it with pride☺
 
 

2017-05-20
09:26:24

Do you believe in horoscope?
 
Good morning friends and loved ones:)
 
I red the horoscope online today, and it said: 
"Take your time! The direction your life is taking is more evident to you but, unfortunately, other aspects are as blurry as ever. You're in the process of major internal transformation, dear Leo, and it isn't always easy. You'll have to tolerate feeling lost and unstable for a while. In the end, you'll be all the more blessed for having experienced this difficult time".
Oh goosh, the horoscope couldn't explain it better than this. 
 
So, now it's been a few days ago since I came back to Manipal, and I feel I'm about to loose it.
My mind is all over the place, and I can't put focus on anything else but what I should NOT do. 
I sleep, I make food, I go for walks, I watch the news, I take long showers, I watch nonsens on youtube, I drink coffee like crazy...everything else exept studying.. I started reading some old notes yesterday, but that's as far as I've come. My head is spinning with worries about everything else but the exam, and I have to push myself out of bed every morning to get the day started. Somewhere I KNOW it's just a phase in life, but what if it never ends? This morning I even woke up with stomach cramps...woooho:)
Or am I just missing my bf...:/
 
I do believe that the moon and our solar system affect us people and our way of feeling and behaving to a certain extent. And if not, it's just a fun reading!
 
Take good care of one another:)
 
 
 
 

2017-05-18
08:54:00

What plans has the Universe already made for us?
 
 Hej och hallå vänner☺
 
 It's been a while since I wrote, I guess almost 9 months. 
Yea, I'm still living in incredible India with my incredible man in Manipal, and we've been traveling back and forth Manipal since last year, lived in Goa during season time, planning the future, met obstaobstatricls on the way and overcome them.
We're planning to come to Sweden this summer and so Sadu had to apply for visa which got denied the first time. This hit us both very hard emotionally. But we told each other to give it another try, since the reason for denying the visa was very vaguely explained.
India is a very bureaucratic country, as I've probably mentioned before, and it wouldn't surprise us that they just denied it just so they could get another 5000Rs in their pocket...incredible India..
 
After the application we finally traveled up north to Himachel Pradesh - mostly to enjoy the wonderful mountains, trekking etc. But to also assess and help out a project work in Kasol.
And so when we had spent about a week in Parvati valley I called my college to confirm payment and date of my exam, and so I came to know that I also had a practical exam to do. A practical exam I already passed last year. Apparently, if you fail in your theory exam, which I did with 5 MARKS, one have to do the 6 houre long and mentally challenging practical exam aswell, again. I totally broke down in tears, anger and frustration. And so I just had to abruptly end our travel and other plans and head back to Manipal, leaving my bf in the beautiful mountains. It was not easy to go back. I'm still in "chock" and feeling down, as if I'm on the edge of crying any time..
So, this last two months have not been very easy, but I guess as life in general gives you challenges to overcome and become stronger in the end.
We both have discussed the challenges we've faced, and questioned the believe we both have, what plans We make and the plans The Universe have already made for us. And when it works against us, the greater challenge comes to accept certain things that happens in life. Cause in the end, we can't do more than trying.
I wanna look back at life and say that "I did it", "I tried and did my best" and that "I don't regret a single thing of the choices I made".
 
 
 
With love
 ☺
 

2016-09-06
10:27:12

study leave
 
So, I'm having my study leave now (finally completed all clinical compensation and classes..!! Wiiee!!), and I'm just....bluuuuuuuhhhuuu!!
I feel like dancing and running around, everything else but studying..
 
F*ck I'm gonna celebrate when everything is done, with a loooong night of dancing n lots of wine!!:)
 
Peace, love & understanding:)
 
 

2016-08-09
16:52:21

Doctors, behave!
 
 So, during my four years as a nurse students I've come across a number of occations where doctor students have got much better treatment than the nursing students in the clinics. They are always allowed to take up space in the wards, but we nursing students have to find a small corner to stand in during our clinical teaching. Or we may not be alowed to listen during rounds, cause it has to look as if we're working all the time. There's nothing that look more bad than a nurse who has nothing to do, but a doctor can sit in his comfy chair without a problem. We need to put up our hair in a descent bun and only wear one pair of earings. Make up and nailpolish is strictly forbidden.
But doctors can aparently have whatever style they want. If someone in the hospital would happen to see a nursing student with a phone in their hand there would go a call directly to our Dean. But does anyone say anything to the doctor students? I can't remember how many times I've seen a doctor student clicking a pic of a client's health history chart.
 
And speaking of clicking a pic. When a person get admitted to a hospital one of the most important thing for a care taker to keep in mind is to respect and maintain the client's integrity. But most of that disappears as soon as one enter the hospital. Sadly, but true... One of the rules is that one is not allowed to click a picture of someone without permission. And guys, don't ask me how many times I've seen doctor take pictures on their client's affected body parts without even asking for permission. It hapened to me once. And yea, I don't really mind that they're taking pics due to learning purpose. Very understandable. But for heaven sake ASK first before clicking. It's a vital thing to ask for permission, even for a doctor. It's even more insulting when you're lying on the operation table and you won't know what's happening, or you're in ICU and not able to communicate cause there's a tube stuck down in your trachea. And suddenly there's a doctor who wants to take a pic of your very interesting colourful mark on your chest who no one ever seen before.
 
No, doctors, behave and show some respect, please!
 
 
 

2016-08-06
20:32:21

Meeting with reality
 
I had a meeting with reality today. My first day of clinical compensation duty has started (less serious than it sounds) and it felt good being back. Being back at the hospital also means that one gets to see some pretty nasty things as well. I met a girl today, she's in my age and got a probable diagnosis of Hepatitis E.
Now, Hep.A and B are the one's who every one knows about since we usually take immunization for it. But hep. E is more rare, spreads via the blood, attacks the liver and has no cure.
Being in a hospital puts your life into perspective sometimes. And I sometimes wonder why we have (or at least I have) to be reminded every now and then of how lucky I should be that I'm not one of those people who daily struggles with very a infectious disease or deadly sickness. That we're one of those who struggle through career and family life while another can only dream about one. Some people need a wake-up call in form of an infarct in order to stop bad habits.
An older woman sleeping next to the girl at the hospital got discharged against medical advice since the family apparently decided that it was not worth the medical expenses they had put out in order to keep her there. Maybe they were one of those thousands of families who goes completely bankrupt every year due to the way to high medical expences than the family can't afford. It was a weird feeling seeing the nurses slowly but steady removing all the devices from her bed side. The last one the respiratory support which was kept till the moment they shifter her to the car. Knowing that she won't make it for long without her reapiratory support at her present condition...
And there we walk, from one bed to another, the nurses and I, talking about the future, gossiping in Kannada, laughing to the doctors bad handwriting and hide behind lockers when the X-ray machine is going wild. Does one have to be cold hearted or warm hearted in order to function in this environment? Maybe good at controlling when feelings are needed and not...
 
Peace out and enjoy the weekend people:)