I'm counting my days as a college student at MCON. Or, actually I've been keeping count since I guess from somewhere in 2nd year when I was starting to feel a bit tired and uncomfortable in the environment over here. I remember that I thought of quitting and continue my studies back home. But then I started to imagine how afraid I would be of the feeling of failing and maybe missing the place too. Now, I don't regret at all that I decided to stay. These four years have been the best experience in my life so far. And I am so thankful for all the experiences I've gained.
Things are slowly but steadily coming to an end. But an end also means that there will be a beginning of something new! And I can't ignore the fact that I recognize these feelings that I'm having at the moment. Same feeling I had when we all graduated high school 2007. The same feeling of happiness, sadness, curiosity, relief and fear at the same time, flavoured with a big scope of Masala this time of course;)
I'm sitting on a slope below our house looking over the forest and all the lights popping up between the trees indicating presence of small houses I guess. I can hear a soft Hindu anthem coming from the forest somewhere. What are the Hindu's celebrating today, I wonder. Hinduism is an interesting religion indeed. So many Gods to look after and to celebrate every year!
After the forest I view larger buildings and brighter lights, Udupi, and far away I sight the Arabian sea. The sea that every teacher forbid you to enter. But tell me a student who hasn't. But why do we humans have the tendency to do things that we know is forbidden? Because we are born with a brain that is able to rationalize and question stuff in our mind. Good stuff.
So yea, here I'm sitting on this slope looking at the sunset, and I am having the same feeling I had nine years ago. The only difference is that I'm graduating college, and are suppose to have filled my life bag with more life experience and wisdom, supposedly. And of course, I have! Even though, in some moments I wonder how much knowledge and experience I've actually gained. Have I taken good care of the time I spent here? And what shall I do with all this experience and wisdom that I've gained over the years? How do I manage the information in the best, possible way? What is my next goal in life? Is it possible to reach? I know I shouldn't be asking those questions. If you want something in life just grab the opportunity and follow your heart. And I know it sounds really easy. And for some people it might be. But to others it is really challenging since It's all based on your past, and how it has shaped you as a person. But I know what I want. I just need someone to kick me in the butt and tell me that I can do it. And I know I need to work on my fear and in being a strong believer that whatever happens in life it happens for the best. And whatever challenge or setback you face in life you will come out of it alive, and maybe more alive than ever before.
I feel nervous all of a sudden since a simple thought hit my head; for four years, people around me (teachers, staff, classmates etc.) have been constantly telling me what I should do. And soon, with help from the force of the universe, I'll be able to take my own decisions in life. I'll be out of this "BOX" that I've been living in for so long, coming with the conclusion that we live in a world where each person is unique, hence putting everyone in the same box is the most insane and illogical thing to do in society. The only thing we get out of that is people being better than other people. But, in stead of only putting people on a unified scale between 1 to 10, we would get so much more out of a person if we started to think in more than one direction. People should be praised for what they are capable of and not compared to one another which will make the other person look smaller and less knowledgeable.
That's not how I want humans to be raised.
Am looking up to the sky, and I notice that the stars are starting to be seen.
"Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder where you are.."